Stranger Enters Our Home, Refuses to Pet the Dogs, and Somehow We’re the Problem
An exclusive investigative report from the Brewed Ambitions Office Staff.
There are certain expectations when someone enters a home occupied by dogs.
Basic manners.
A friendly greeting.
Perhaps a compliment regarding our exceptional appearances.
And, most importantly, PET THE DAMN DOGS.
Apparently, not everyone received that memo.
We regret to inform our readers that a deeply disturbing incident recently occurred at Brewed Ambitions headquarters.
A stranger entered our residence.
He walked directly past the Office Staff.
He touched our refrigerator.
AND HE DID NOT PET A SINGLE ONE OF US.
We are still processing the trauma.
The Incident: A Routine Tuesday Turns Into a Hostage Situation
It started like any other day.
Management was doing whatever management does. Probably drinking coffee, staring at her computer, and announcing she had seventeen things to accomplish before remembering she hadn’t eaten breakfast.
The Office Staff was conducting routine household operations.
Charlie, our Chief Executive Officer of Horizontal Operations, was supervising the structural integrity of the furniture through an extended period of lying down.
Spartacus was monitoring suspicious activity, potential snack opportunities, and any movement suggesting someone might approach the front door.
Everything was running smoothly.
Then came the knock.
AN OUTSIDER.
Naturally, we immediately activated the emergency response protocol.
There was barking.
There was excitement.
There was the overwhelming understanding that someone had arrived specifically to meet us.
Because why else would a human come to our house?
We assumed management had finally arranged the employee appreciation event we’ve been requesting.
We were mistaken.
Management’s First Violation: Unlawful Confinement
Before we could formally welcome our visitor, management committed her first offense.
SHE PUT US IN OUR CRATES.
Now, we understand that some humans are uncomfortable being greeted by an enthusiastic committee of furry professionals.
But surely there could have been negotiations.
A brief introduction?
A supervised handshake?
One complimentary belly rub?
No.
Management insisted that the gentleman was there to repair the camper refrigerator and needed room to work.
We would like the record to reflect that we are perfectly capable of providing refrigerator repair supervision.
We have extensive experience standing directly in the way of people attempting to accomplish things.
This is a specialized skill.
And yet, our assistance was rejected before we were even allowed to submit a proposal.
The Stranger’s Second Violation: Failure to Acknowledge Staff
Once the repairman entered, we waited patiently.
Well.
Patiently by our standards.
There may have been some vocal commentary.
But we were certain he would eventually approach the crates and acknowledge the highly qualified personnel observing his every movement.
He did not.
Instead, this man walked past us and began examining the refrigerator.
THE REFRIGERATOR.
The large cold box where the humans keep food.
A box we have personally investigated on numerous occasions.
We could have told him several things about that refrigerator.
For example, it has food in it.
Sometimes cheese.
Occasionally something that smells suspiciously like chicken.
And management becomes extremely unreasonable when we attempt to conduct independent inventory inspections.
But did he ask for our expertise?
Absolutely not.
He was apparently more interested in a circuit board.
A CIRCUIT BOARD.
We would like to know what that circuit board has ever done for him.
Has it greeted him at the door?
Has it wagged its tail?
Has it provided emotional support during difficult refrigerator-related situations?
We think not.
The Investigation Intensifies
As the repairman continued his work, the Office Staff began considering several possibilities.
Perhaps he had not seen us.
Unlikely, given the audible nature of our presence.
Perhaps he did not understand that we were available for petting.
Also unlikely. We have perfected the universal canine language of LOOK AT ME, HUMAN.
Perhaps he had mistaken us for ordinary household decorations.
An insulting possibility, but one we could not immediately rule out.
Then Spartacus raised an even more disturbing question.
What if this man simply did not intend to pet us?
The room fell silent.
Not literally, of course.
We are dogs.
But emotionally, there was silence.
Charlie Issues an Official Statement
At this point, management attempted to reassure us that everything was fine.
According to her, the repairman was a professional performing a service.
He was not obligated to participate in canine social activities.
We respectfully disagree.
Charlie, who had remained horizontal throughout much of the investigation, briefly opened one eye and issued the following statement:
“This is why I don’t get up for people.”
He then resumed his regularly scheduled nap.
Leadership has never been stronger.
A Pattern of Questionable Management Decisions
Unfortunately, this incident cannot be viewed in isolation.
For some time now, the Office Staff has documented concerning behavior from management.
She routinely makes coffee without offering us any.
She leaves the house without obtaining written employee approval.
She claims the bed belongs to her.
She insists that certain foods are “not for dogs,” despite our willingness to conduct independent taste tests.
And now?
She invites strangers into our workplace and allows them to ignore us completely.
We believe this represents a serious breakdown in organizational leadership.
A formal complaint has been submitted.
Management has not responded.
She claims she is busy trying to get the refrigerator fixed.
Convenient.
The Final Insult
Eventually, the repairman completed his visit.
There had been discussions about the refrigerator.
There had been important technical matters involving the circuit board.
There had been an exchange of information between the human parties.
And then the unthinkable happened.
HE LEFT.
WITHOUT PETTING US.
Not one ear scratch.
Not one belly rub.
Not even a quick “Who’s a good dog?”
We had devoted valuable time and emotional resources to supervising this entire operation.
And what did we receive?
Nothing.
Management says the man was simply doing his job.
We say he missed the opportunity to meet two exceptionally talented members of the household.
History will decide who was right.
The Office Staff’s Official Demands
Following an emergency meeting, during which Charlie contributed absolutely nothing and Spartacus attempted to eat the minutes, we have agreed upon the following demands:
- All future household visitors must be informed that the Office Staff exists and considers itself extremely important.
- Appropriate introductions should be arranged when practical and when visitors are comfortable interacting with dogs.
- Any employee required to remain in a crate during maintenance operations shall receive fair compensation in treats.
- Management must stop referring to our professional observations as “barking at absolutely nothing.”
- Charlie requests that all future meetings be conducted while lying down.
We consider these requests reasonable.
Management has described them as “a little dramatic.”
Clearly, negotiations remain ongoing.
A Message to Our Readers
We are sharing this story because we believe the public deserves to know what happened.
Today, it was a refrigerator repairman.
Tomorrow, it could be a delivery driver.
A plumber.
A neighbor.
A completely unsuspecting person who simply came to retrieve something from the porch.
WHERE DOES IT END?
If you have ever been ignored by someone who entered your home, we stand with you.
If you are a dog who has been unfairly denied the opportunity to greet a visitor, we encourage you to speak up.
Loudly.
Repeatedly.
Preferably while someone is attempting to have a telephone conversation.
And if you are a human who visits a home with dogs, please understand that while you are never required to pet us, we reserve the right to be personally offended.
This concludes our official investigation.
Respectfully submitted,
The Brewed Ambitions Office Staff 🐾
Charlie — Chief Executive Officer of Horizontal Operations
Spartacus — Director of Short-Term Operations & Unsolicited Security Services
This report was prepared without management’s knowledge, permission, or editorial approval.
☕ A Note From Management
For the record, the repairman came to look at our camper refrigerator, which apparently decided it was done participating in society.
The dogs were safely crated so he could work without two enthusiastic supervisors attempting to inspect his tools, his shoes, and possibly his entire life history.
He was perfectly pleasant.
He did absolutely nothing wrong.
The dogs, however, have decided this was a personal attack.
I have since been informed that future maintenance appointments will require a formal employee compensation agreement.
Apparently, treats are now considered hazard pay.
Tell me: Does your dog expect every visitor to stop what they’re doing and pay the petting tax? Or are mine just running an unusually aggressive customer service department?
Until next time, stay caffeinated and embrace the chaos.
— Management ☕💜
