An official statement from the four-legged employees of Brewed Ambitions.
Management has been telling people there was an “escape.”
We would like to formally dispute that terminology.
An escape implies wrongdoing. It suggests that we were fleeing captivity, ignoring company policy, or otherwise behaving in a manner unbecoming of professional office personnel.
We prefer the term unscheduled neighborhood outreach initiative.
And frankly, we are disappointed that Management has chosen to portray our independent thinking as a disciplinary issue.
First of All, We Were Conducting Business
There we were, minding our own business, when an unexpected opportunity presented itself.
A weakness in the outdoor security infrastructure.
Now, some employees might have ignored such an opportunity. Some might have stayed inside the designated perimeter and continued their regularly scheduled activities.
But that’s not the kind of team Management hired.
We are innovators.
Problem-solvers.
Independent thinkers.
And when the universe opens a door—or, in this case, provides an alternative route through the fencing—we believe it would be irresponsible not to investigate.
The Neighborhood Needed Us
Management seems particularly upset that our investigation extended beyond company property.
We would like to point out that community engagement is an important part of any successful business.
How are we supposed to build relationships with the neighbors if we’re never allowed to visit them?
How are we supposed to explore potential partnerships?
What if someone had snacks?
These are questions Management has failed to address.
Instead, she has chosen to focus on minor administrative details, such as the fact that we did not request permission, provide an itinerary, or notify anyone of our departure.
We believe this represents a fundamental misunderstanding of entrepreneurial initiative.
Management’s Response Was Entirely Unprofessional
Upon discovering our absence, Management apparently experienced what she has described as a significant increase in blood pressure.
There may have been shouting.
There may have been language unsuitable for publication.
Our full legal names may have been used.
We find this deeply concerning.
As valued employees, we believe we deserve a calm, supportive workplace where creativity is encouraged and occasional unauthorized field trips are viewed as opportunities for professional development.
Instead, we were greeted with accusations.
Apparently, “Where the hell have you been?” is now considered an acceptable way to welcome employees back from a business trip.
We will be discussing this with Human Resources.
As soon as Management hires one.
We Have Some Concerns About the Security Department
If Management is so worried about employees leaving the premises, perhaps she should examine the company’s infrastructure.
We did not install the fencing.
We did not approve the fencing.
We certainly did not sign any documents promising to remain on one particular side of the fencing.
And yet, somehow, we are being held responsible for discovering a flaw in the system.
That sounds suspiciously like a management problem.
You’re welcome, by the way.
Our security audit was completely free.
Regarding the Alleged Lack of Remorse
It has been suggested that we showed absolutely no remorse upon returning.
We reject this characterization.
There was tail wagging.
There may have been smiling.
Several employees appeared extremely pleased with themselves.
These are signs of a healthy, enthusiastic workforce.
We cannot be expected to apologize for maintaining a positive attitude.
Besides, everyone made it home.
Management should really try focusing on the positives.
Final Statement From the Office Staff
In conclusion, we believe the events in question have been blown wildly out of proportion.
We identified a security vulnerability, conducted an independent neighborhood assessment, strengthened community relations, and returned with valuable field experience.
Management has chosen to call this an escape.
We call it a productive workday.
We remain committed to our positions at Brewed Ambitions and look forward to continuing our professional development.
Preferably with fewer restrictions on outdoor activities.
Sincerely,
The Office Staff
Brewed Ambitions
P.S. Management has informed us that “if you little jerks get out again, I swear to God.”
We are currently awaiting clarification on what specific disciplinary action “I swear to God” refers to.
